you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
