She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
