my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
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Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
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I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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