I just saw a hot homeless man
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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