Are we in a gay sports bar?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
