What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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