only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
