Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
