Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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