I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize