ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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