so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
