he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
