Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
