Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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