...so i touched it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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