This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
