I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
