im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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