Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
