I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
