yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
