Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we're making bets on your personal life
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
