There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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