I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
