Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
