how can u be prego again
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
