im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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