Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
