You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
