She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
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Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
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Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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