Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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