Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
