i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
