You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
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Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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