So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
sex in a hospital.. check
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
