"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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