Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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