I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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