guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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