well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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