last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
