help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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