When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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