drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
