Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
