He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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