It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
