I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
