Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Panties = found
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
