Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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