we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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