I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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