Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
