so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she peed on how many people?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
